Sunday, September 02, 2007

The pitfalls of benevolence

Over this holiday weekend I learned a very valuable lesson:

Be more selfish.

For over a month I have planning for the family to take advantage of the Labor Day Weekend in order to go out and have fun. The original plan was to go to Coney Island on Saturday but decided to change that mainly since I did not want to put up with the massive crowds that would descend there. (It’s a pet peeve of mine, I confess, to be around huge crowds of people. This is why I don’t like tourist traps.)

As a viable alternative I suggested going out to eat instead. Several ideas were floated and then supposedly decided on but they would be scrapped in favor of going to another restaurant or not going out altogether. Throughout the process I was more than willing to go along with everyone else for the sake of trying to find a solution best for all of us. It may not have been my choice to go to restaurant “A”, for instance, but if they wanted to then I would be comfortable with that.

Unfortunately the storm of indecision was leaving me drenched in anger and disillusionment.

Take this morning for example. Last night we all agreed to go Monday to a nearby Dominican joint and that I would call Access-A-Ride Sunday afternoon to arrange transportation. Yet shortly after waking up and getting the phone I was told that everyone else changed their minds and would be going to a Colombian place in Jackson Heights. My enthusiasm for going to what was originally chosen vanished as yet again plans were made then modified at the drop of a hat.

The straw that broke my back was that after arranging transportation to go to Jackson Heights my mom changes her mind s she could stay home and watch the Mets game. I couldn’t take it anymore after conforming to everyone else’s always-changing preferences for two days. I really wanted to go out this weekend and I eagerly anticipated doing so. Only that notion went up in a proverbial poof of smoke.

Worse still, I’ve been getting blamed for thinking of others ahead of myself. “That’s always been your weakness,” mom accusingly told me. “You’re too much of a conformist” she tries to rub in my face with.

With all my faults being tossed at me I came up with the obvious conclusion:

Be more selfish.

There are inherent risks with acting in that manner; chiefly, it is of not saying what I mean as well as rubbing others the wrong way.

But at this point I’m just disgusted and upset and disappointed and rattled. If things didn’t work out before then perhaps a different tact will get results.

If not then I’ll revert back.

I don’t care what works as long as it does.

Right now I’m at my wit’s end and desperately want something to work.

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