Friday, October 13, 2006

Battle of the bulge

Goodbye Gray’s? (image via this site)

When I woke up this morning I couldn’t help but ponder of the friends I hadn’t heard of in months. Yes, I should have written to them a while ago; at least a quick 100 word greeting could’ve sufficed. Perhaps today would be the day that I would reacquaint myself with those people that mean so much to me inasmuch as time has kept us apart. Yeah. I’ll do it. It’s Friday. It’s the weekend. It would be a good thing.

Within 6 hours I heard from 3 friends I had not communicated with in over a year.

There was the message from the girl I first met as an NYU undergrad nearly a decade ago while we were trying to read quietly in a lounge at the Silver Center. Nowadays she’s happily married living in Cincinnati and about to get her MBA.

The second message came from my mentor while I was a Jackie Robinson Foundation Scholar. She wanted to know if I was going to a conference next weekend in Las Vegas. Pity I have to decline.

The final e-mail correspondence came from one of my roommates of the apartment I shared with during my 10 weeks interning in Washington, DC in the summer of 2002. He had been doing well as a grad student in Connecticut though he was homesick for his native Texas. Nonetheless he was doing okay and that pleased me.

Then he said the following:

“I would like to meet with you soon. I am going to NYC on the 27th of this month.”

Shit.

I should have been happy and delighted that he would be in New York. I mean, I had a smashing time the last time he was in the area 2 years ago. His boyfriend was very cultured and a fantastic conversationalist. I chatted for hours with his female friend from Texas on the Pixies. We laughed, complained, drank, and enjoyed our time together.

Yet since that visit I had gained a few pounds. Normally I try to keep my weight within a reasonable limit so that my health would not be adversely affected. My weight tends to fluctuate depending on my general mood and levels of stress. I never worry about my looks as related to weight or body size.

That suddenly changed after reading that he would be visiting in about 2 weeks. For quite a while I felt obsessed with losing at least 8 pounds before the 27th. I made plans on dieting and ensuring that I would melt away my second chin. Odds are I wouldn’t have washboard abs or a lithe neck, but I wanted to look good. Doesn’t matter if I wear nice clothes or if I’m charming or enjoy listening. My body was my prime concern.

It took me a while until I figured out why I desperately wanted to shed a few pounds. Over the past two years my life has been pretty good, but I am not content with that. My time as an NYU grad student will soon come to its end, though not without several struggles and tough times. Technically I’m still working as a UN intern but I haven’t done much since last year. I have several female friends but I still await the chance to enter a relationship. My mom and brothers have supported me through thick and thin though there are times when life at home is too much to bear. I suppose I irrationally want to have a fantastic body since that would be the only thing that would be great, not just good. It’s an unusual aspect of my life to focus on and I suppose it’s the easiest thing to target over the short-term.

Now I’m feeling a bit calmer. I will try to lose a bit of weight, though 3 pounds in 2 weeks seems like a far more realistic target. Regardless of whether I do or don’t I’ll be eagerly looking forward to their visit on the 27th and I’m sure they’ll be happy to see me whether I’m paper thin, round like a beach ball, or somewhere in between.

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