Monday, May 29, 2006

Random Thoughts While Drunk

-If a guy arrives a at party, stays at a party, and refuses to leave the side of a girl for the entire time except she goes to the restroom, chances are he’s her boyfriend.

-There is no excuse to leer at a woman’s breasts regardless of how skimpy she dresses or how shiny her necklace may be.

-Never argue with a woman about her weight. If you guess to low she will believe you are a liar. If you guess to high she will kill you.

-If you get drunk after two glasses of wine and you still want more to drink, then you are a lush.

-Being the first person at a party in a bar/restaurant has its advantages. Just ask the attractive server you have talked with for fifteen minutes before anyone else arrived.

-Be glad you did not bring a camera with you to take photos since they would all out of focus or completely crooked.

-“Ah so you must be the infamous boyfriend I’ve heard so much about.” = telling the world you’re plastered.

-If you forget to tip your bartender due to your tipsiness, make sure to tip triple value the next time you meet.

-It is almost always a red flag when people of the same gender hit on you then people of the opposite sex. (Not that there’s anything wrong with it if you happen to be of the persuasion that enjoys getting undue attention from the same gender.)

-Losing the ability to speak incoherent sentences and slurring every other word = telling the world you’re plastered.

-Alka-seltzer is the king of hangover cures; a greasy hamburger is a close second.

-‘Tis better to go home lonely than to go home with a fellow lush is almost always true.

1 comment:

Jonathan C said...

1. guys hanging to a girl doesnt always mean he's the boyfriend, maybe he just wants some
2. there is ALWAYS an excuse to leer. if she dresses up skimpy, she deserves to be leered at...nuff said!!@
3. height, weight, and age are taboo questions
4. you're a fuckin lightweight
5. the early bird gets the...well, nevermind
6. shouldve taken pics
7. infamous = getting your ass kicked or your wheelchair tires slashed
8. forgot to tip? you make krabs look like a philantropist
9. no comment...not that there's anything wrong with making no comments
10. slur = tsk tsk
11. alka-fizz...never fails me
12. tis better to go home when youve fulfilled your goals