Old habits are hard to break

I need to make up my mind. Just a few days ago I vowed that this month will be a time when I go out to several events and I won’t be so sedentary like I was in February.

So what happens? I stay at home this weekend.

Yesterday I was to go out for a meeting of the Jackie Robinson Foundation Alumni Association (JRFAA) as part of the foundation’s yearly Networking Weekend. Instead I get cold feet and figure irrationally that I will make it up by going to the JRFAA Dinner Sunday night at the Brown Shoe Company.

So what happens? I don’t go to the dinner.

Part of the reason is because my stomach was somewhat topsy-turvy. Yet I still could have gone, but in the end I decided I would much rather stay at home and get a few things done.

Really, I make no sense whatsoever.

However, salvation is around the corner in the form of my shrink who I will visit tomorrow afternoon. First I have to go pay a fine for overdue books at Bobst, then go see him. Perhaps it would be a good idea to stop by the hotel where the Networking Weekend is taking place and take a few minutes to greet some old pals and acquaintances. It is the latest I could do after rescinding on the events of the weekend.

Yet knowing me I’ll flee for Queens as fast as I can after the appointment’s done. My insecurities will get the best of me and I will want to interact as little as possible with other people. I’ll probably be a bit disheveled and tired from not sleeping well and pale from having skipped breakfast and lunch. Besides, there’s supposed to be rain and snow showers in the late afternoon which would make it ideal to commute before the rush hour.

Cold feet indeed. I bet that’s what will happen.

Hopefully I’ll prove myself wrong.